Happy Birthday Papa

Haix.. There are times n ganito..feeling upset..feeling missing someone..Which is actually true naman.. It's been 13 long years since the last time you were with us. Though ganun katagal every inch of that moment I still can recall pa. Every moment with you still as fresh as yesterday.Every start of the year, here's the feeling usually bugs me again and again. I miss him a lot. How I wish he have more time. Kahit konti lang ang naidagdag sana,it was a very big thanks. Inaatake n naman ako ng inggit. Envy for the others who was with their father..Envy for the moments they have shared together as a family, as a complete family. Nakakatawang isipin for the people around me knew how I look positively not having a father for years,it is my defense mechanism making it look everything was fine. Ayoko kasi malungkot. And also the last words Papa told me,"wag kang iiyak pag umalis ako kasi mgkikita naman tayo"(shocks remembering the old days make me sob in tears)..Haixx dami ko gustong isulat but I might as well not to continue..nakakabasa ng palad..:p..hanggang ngayon bakit nakakaiyak p rin?..If only you were here. If only you stayed a little longer..If only...Daming if only..Wala naman akong sinisisi and I can also say naiintindihan q naman ang mga nangyayari, yung mga nangyari.. May mga times lang talaga na may mga ganung tanong.. We are trying to overcome emptiness to take for granted yung mga nakakalungkot na moments. Not only me, pag npagkkwentuha ganito din pala feeling nila kuya..nakakatuwa n nakakalungkot..Haixx life. We always look at it in a positive way, kahit minsan mahirap maging masaya kapag emo ka...Laging iisipin n lang na salamat sa kung anong meron at sa ngayon.. Anyway it's your birthday Papa.. Happy birthday..Spending 11 years(di pa lagi yun kasi nasa abroad ka)with you enough to always remember each and every details of it.. I understand that upon you leaving us also thought a lot in bearing experiences with you, puts me and kuya in that situation at a very young age. Every inch of it which now the three of us uses on our everyday life.. Soon we will going to meet again. I miss you so much.We misses you so much..

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One Piece

Before i was complaining to myself that I am lack of time watching tv. I kept myself busy on surfing and being addicted to facebook's different games and applications. After the addiction unto those I now find myself again another stuff addicted to. It was an anime movie which usually fit either for kids or young adults but I was hooked up now. I can't even felt that my day was complete if I haven't seen an episode. At first I was only reading it at manga in a comic form as a hobby during work, while waiting for a call. Not until my brother informed me that he was indeed obsessed on the same cartoon series and even downloaded the very first episode up to the current one. And what a so ridiculous coincidence, Huny was also searching for that same anime episodes. Now we are sharing same addiction to the pirate named Luffy the Straw hat and his crew.

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a very special love with honey...

yesterday honey and i had a date...we were so happy not only together but also with my mom..honey treat mom and i..we first went to church together honey wearing very nice and awesome shirtand also me wearing the very first time with him a dress..mom says we look different,so different or lets say (maxado lang nagandahan c inay at ngwapuhan sa terno nmen ni honey.. lol)..from our place..as people weren't able to see as couple always like that..not even once just that day... besides mom bought it to me..after mass we went to one of the two malls located nearby.. we ate lunch then mom said she have to wait for Brad's call that why she leave us early..after mom left honey and i decided to watched this movie..it was really nice..i told honey that seems i am being a fan of the lead actor of these movie cause i also watched his recently movie with another young lady and also love it..promise..i wanted to buy an original dvd copy of the said movie..we feels like it is the new day for us..we feel blessed.. starting another new life..and a new things to worry also starts that day..but i know its just the consequences..everything has its consequences..no matter what..either good or bad.. i believe it has...

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sense of responsibility

matapos ang lahat ng pangyayari sa nakaraang buong linggo,now i've realized that starting a new life..again and again..i keep doing such same mistakes into my life though nobody reacting or condemning me for that mistakes..i know someone sees me ..and i'm guilty..i really am..but as mom and i talked, i learned another lesson in my life..she's now giving me my responsibility for my own..it is rare and very different feeling wherein i had to decide on my own without informing her..i am free and i can have mistakes for as i was the only gonna be affected for my faults and failures.... rather than now giving me the free will with her awareness..mas masarap pa rin pala tlaga gumawa ng hindi tama at walang nakakaalan(sa sarili mong plagay lang) kesa sa maging legal ang lahat at lagi k ng mag iingat dahil my masasaktan na sa bawat pagkakamali m bukod sa sarili mo..nakakatuwa oo dahil my makakaramay ka..pero iba pa rin ang feeling..ayoko my nasasaktang ibang tao lalo na kung mahal q at dahilan ay pagkakamali q..maluwang sa loob na mabigat pa rin..confusing?ayt?..its just that i can't really express or explain what i'm feelin' ryt now..how confused am i and at the same time how thankfull..me and my brothers were really blessed!..for having the coolest mom n the universe..she's very different and very rare to have.. i have some conflicts with mom from the past,,a very serious conflict that affects me as i grew up that doesn't fades away but i think i can forget..slowly..for the sake of all..me and her and person involves..though they didn't knew that i know a lot!everything!..haixx...enough of it nasasad lang c aku...kwento q sana what had happened. aun nga i was confined without anybody in the family knows..kalokohan q kaya i had ro suffer alone..thank you hon for always being there and staying at my life.. look how far we made it..nakakaya n ntin kahit tau lang..i'm so thankful were that tough!..but know what?..dami qng what ifs..what if it failed?,what if it may lead to death..what if we can't make even one...what if i'm useless..i'm afraid..not for myself but for you..ayoko madissappoint ka..ayoko masaktan kita..but as u were saying be positive nga lang db..malapit nko maniwala sa power of love mu..hihihi..basta whatever happens its a promise still..i love u so much honey..with all my heart...mwuah..mwuah..nami2ss tuloy kita..hmpf!..

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july 08,2008 kaarawan ng mahal kong honey!..

nyt before nalulungkot aq, coz i had to leave honey alone at his bday eve..sobrang nahirapan aq to think bout it..flight na kc ni kapatid na mike at minsan lang dumating sa bahay ang precious son ni kapatid na cris..we're realy craving for this child minsan lang kc ipahiram smen..haixx ewan q ba..surprisingly napakabibo ng anakish ni kapatid..nakakatuwa at d xa nangingilala o nakakalimot kahit matagal na di nmen nakikita...so aun n nga..i prepared a surprise for honey para kahit wla aq mafeel nia n kaxama nia q..i bougth hon a bunch of flower, balloons and a cake with his fav pulboron..juz a simple gift that i knew he will love.. sweet q noh..harharhar..so thankful din to bunso kc she help me in preparing those...kahit n malate late xa sa practice nia for center for pop..sobrang salamat bunso..aun super tawag at txt c honey sken..natuwa nmn aq kc nagustuhan nia..and i expected it..pix to be followed n lang..d p kc na upload eh

ang sakripisyo(na naman!) ni kapatid na mike...

ito din ang araw na inihatid namin c kapatid sa airport.. di na ito bago sa ilang beses na paghatid nmen sa kanya..ang bago sa tagpong ganito ay kung cno ang kaxama nyang bebot n maghahatid sa kanya!haru ang prinsipe kong kapatid in fairness pretty mga naghahatid!..at my chika galore pa kaming nasaksihan..sa NAIA nakita nmen ang ama ng bestfrend ni honey na aswa ng babaeng nanugod smen noon dahil sa anak nyang minahal ang super frend q..itago naten xa sa pangalang kuya diding na sawa ni claring na kaxamang my hinatid na ayon sa informant n itatago sa pangalang queen ay kabit daw ng lalaking gwuapito sa aming kalugaran na my asawa at itatago sa pangalang toto!..haru!eto ay wento lamang ng informante..hehehe dyahe man pero nagchizmisan daw sa NAIA...

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masaya talaga..

ang saya ng sitch q ngayon ngpapasalamat aq kc sobrang smooth although ang nsa risk nmn this time ay ang health q..okey lang sa akin un kc aq lang mgsusuffer..kaya q tiisin un kung aq lang apoktado wag lang c mama, c kua mike,c kua cris, c cj, c ate jeny at ang mahal qng honey at pamilya nya..
cmula ng natuto aq magpray cla lagi ang sangkap dun..salamat sa pagiging parte ng buhay nio..nmakal n mahal q kau..subra!..

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happy-not?...

im a hapi but i am not?...hmm confusing ayt?..there were sitch that i shud be happy but the other way around i am not.. what shud i do..how will i gain a one good feeling regarding to the "confusing" matter?..haixx..hardz nman netech!..so thankful p din jan p rin c honey..haixx...waaaa anu na..bkit b d q din ma ipost/maisulat ung dapat?..natatakot b q?but i want to be proud din at the same time!hala dumadami na ung nakakalito..taeng life nmn uh!..T_T

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talam-life!

Unang Yugto


Napatingin aq sa mga lumang larawan..naisip q lang kahit pala d q ganun k-cute ei mahilig pla talaga q mgpapictyur..naalala q tuloy ang sv ni honey na ang cute daw is the nicest way or term for panget..kc nearest to panget daw un..hahahaha..ang honey kuh minsan nagdududa nga aq kung mahal tlaga q nyan!Lol..but i know and i fel naman he really does!..un nga dahil sa mga larawan andami mga bagay at alalaala ngbalik sa aking isipan..mga alaalang sobrang taons na ang lumipas..naalala q pa cmula ng magkaisip na ko at mamulat sa mundo..ang tawag s akin ng kapatid q ay karneng baboy rumbled words daw un ng pangalan qng karren since c kua ay di pa ata aware sa spelling puro pronounciation lang..lol..xa ang taong nung bata pa aq ay tlagang kasumpa sumpa...aba b nmn ei d masayang di aq nakikitang umaatungaw sa isang araw at hindi lang isang beses ang gusto!..hanggang mangawit,madehydrate at mamaga ang buong mukha q ay saka lang xa sasaya..natatandaan q din noon n pagpasok q sa eskwela ay nakakapagdala q ng bunot,alarm clock at kung anu anong bagay at khit pusa nming pambahay ay nadadala q sa skul, malamang dahil pa rin sa kua kuh nanuknukan talaga ng pilyo!ilalagay nia ito sa backpack q na khit minsan ay hindi q tsinecheck!(kahit hanggang ngayon..d p din aq madalas magcheck) magugulat na lang aq sa gitna ng klase ay my mag aalarm o kea ngingiyaw!..nakakapikon talaga..o kea sobrang sikip ng bag q dahil s bunot n panlinis sa bahay at madumi na din ang mga gamit q! ganun c kua!nakakapikon talaga!..minsan iniisip q na noon na ayaw nia aqng kapatid kc hindi nmn xa ganun kay kua na sunod sa kanya..lagi din xa natutuwang iiwanan aq at pinapaiyak!basta ang alam q my tears is his happiness!..tarantado talaga!..pgkagraduate nia ng elementary isa xa sa sabi nila my utak daw dpat talaga(proven matalino, mautak, mandarambong at malakas dumiskarte ang kua qng yan)nakapasa dun sa exam ng sister of mary boystown!at ang inyong lingkod ay nagdiwang ng sobra sobra!hahaha(my bad).. pero pagkaalis nia ska q naintindihan ang gusto nyang ipaintindi saken..wla man xa cnsav pero nakuha q ang mensahe..naging matatag aq at naisip q na ikakasiya ng ibang tao ang pag iyak q senyales na akoy natatalo at nawawalan ng pag asa,hindi pala dapat ganun..c kua hinubog nia q sa murang edad na maging matibay ang loob..lalo n at ang isa nameng kapatid ay mahina ang loob at aq p daw ang maggagabay..nakakatuwa buhay pa c papa parang tatay q na c kua.hindi q alam kung sa edad naming yon ay nararamdaman nia na ang mga posibleng mangayari kahit na ang pamamaraan nia ay talaga namang hindi tama..(hmpf)..sa mga panahon na iyon kinailangan namen maging matibay!kameng lahat..at the age of 9 nagbbyahe nako alone papuntang Philippine General Hospital-taguig(tenement)-cavite(bulihan)..ibig sbhin sa edad q na un ay bibo nko!hehehe(magyayabang lang poh)..ang punto kc nung panahon na un from sept 30-may 7 1997 ang panahon ng unos ng aming pamilya..na diagnosed c papa on stage 4 malignant prostate cancer...had no choice 4 lang kame..aq c mama, c kua at c papa..c mama laging nakaagapay kay papa, c kua h-skul p lang at menor de edad pa ay nsa gobyernong mga sangay na para sa pagpapafill up ng mga dokumento na kailangan..aq runner..sa kelangan sa mensahe sa mga tita at tumitingin ng bahay namen dto sa cavite..nakakalungkot ung mga panahon n un pero c papa hindi xa humaharap ng malungkot smen..lalo n s amin ni kua..lagi xa positive at lagi xa my pag asa..natatandaan q pa ang cnv nia umaga, araw bago xa kunin ni god..sbi nia"anak Karent(d way he prononced my name) pag galing q bibili tau ng besta(van n uso that time lagi q tinuturo sa newspaper na tuwing linggo binibili ni papa)pero wag ka iiyak pag hindi na gagaling c papa, ikaw makakabili k ng sariling besta maalala mo si papa dun"..i don't have any idea na last words na pala un ni papa sken..it was 11 pm before lunch..aq ang bantay dahil c mama ngpasked ng chemo ni papa downstairs, c kua umuwi ng cavite dat tym..at 7 pm doctors said at rest na ang heartbeat..nrevive nila but nothing happens..but at 11pm nrevive(iniwan n xa ng AP nun at nililinis na lang c papa)he mentioned name of kua(eldest whom currently at SOM during dat time)then 15 mins after he passed away...the saddest times..i cried a lil sabi kc ni papa wag daw..pero c kua(2nd) ni hindi umiyak..everybody is worried for him!.. c kua na pilyo pinayagan lang xa lumabas ng skul nia 3 days bago ang huling paalam..he cried a lot pero kaming nasa paligid(since tired at up n sa pag iyak)we laugh at him..aq ang dosena at lampas pa naming pinsan at ang kua q(2nd)..magandang naidulot ng pagkawala ng papa ang kanyang mga kapatid ay nagkasundo..my 2 kapatid c papa na khit noong nabubuhay pa ang lolo ay my gap na..namatay ang lolo d cla nakapagsma khit minsan sa burol pero nung c papa ng mawala gabi gabi cla na ang magkaxama..nagkabati n din cla sa wakas..

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is it the thing called addiction????

maghapon aq nag iipon ng isusulat q na my kabuluhan para sa sarili q..samantalang c ina ay nakabantay din sa akin dahil laging waiting at my kchat daw xa...nakakatwa cmula ng matutong mag chat c ina kaagaw q na xa sa pc q at sa oras na igugugol q..ang ina naman nakk-uso sa chat chat n yan..1 thing good lang is nabbusy na xa at d na laging kala mu stressed..kani knina lng umiinit na naman ang ulo q dahil ang mahal qng honey ay aun d aq naaalalang itxt..c aq naman ay nag aalala..kc b naman bkit kelangan mgkalayo pa(huhuhu).. nakakatba ng hart dhil nitong araw ang aking mga kapamilya kung iaddress ang honey q ay asawa,gamit nio,nio at nio at nio pa..ibig sabhin lang they we're open for the fact na maari ng mag asawa c bunsong karren..hay sarap ng life!buhay coke ba ito..o mc do(make life easier)...charap charap charap talaga..mahal qng asawa namimiss n kita tlaga..ikkwento q p nga pla n ang gwapo qng aswa ay pinapantasya ng maraming magaganda at hot na kababaihan sa sosyedad na kanyang nakasanayan at kinabibilangan!shala ang byuti ng inyong lingkod at aq ay cnsamba nmn ng aking honey!bwuhahahahaha..sarap maging prinsesa!..hehehehe..ang sking motto lang naman ay "dey can all have the beauty on earth sakin ang appeal!wuahahaha..thankful pa rin aq kc c Lord maxadong nice ginawa p qng pretty!hahahaha..papalag???(angas nuh!)ganito ata kapag nangungulila..i love you so much honey..i miss you!..

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dated may 11 2008

mama & nanay @ yek

honey and i both came home at our place..xempre its mom's day that's why we had to be home..hehehe..bumili kame ng cake for mother earth worm and inang bathala nia..harharhar and for her sistah as new mom din.. grabeh inggit aq dun..ang lakas nia..19 stitches 7 lbs bouncing baby boy na hawig pa ni honey kuh...my saya and sad din kasi for those who knew ..sad talaga..ah basta..nwaiz..sobrang bait talaga ni honey koh..napapancn q nga everytime i wrote in here lagi na lang bida c honey..para xang c jollibee hahahaha...laging bida..nagstay aq s kanila to see and feel the baby..so warm nmn his family..and lucky of me again nice ang familia ni honey..we're so legal!(conia b q!hmpf!)...same day i wnt back to our house din kc i had my duty that nyt at St. Matheus..speaking of it..lucky of having the new grupmates esp mark..cnsbay nia lang naman kame from main ave to san mateo w/c is really a big help na since gabi nga ang duty(*1.safety)then tipid pa sa allowance..the new guy at the group was so nice..altho lagi nmen xa inaasar..he's sportminded savi nga..lol..

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Compilation of Lost Chances

as what to expect, mgkxma kmi..we've been together shopping for the gifts to whomever..lol
yan tuloy nothin' left to both of us..but anyway sya naman ei..hangin' around at the mall holdin' hands ..sosyal prang park lng..lol..for having him 4 bout 16 months, ngayon lng naiba ung excena...
but still there are things to expect prin..ung conflict or hassles every our day..aun routine n un.. meron at meron tlga issue, conflicts,o r prob rising in..but anyways wla nmn nkkpagsisisi dun..tho my mga ganun..im happy with my honey..im soooo happy and sooo in love..khit lagi aq inaasar nyan..actually my tampo p nga q s kanya ei..xa n bhala mkadiscover nun..i dunno if he knows what i really want
at nang aasar lng or tlgang he's not aware of it..after a tring whole day, mlamng d prin kmin nghiwalay...we ate together at our crib then konting chika pa..before he went home..at noche buena eve he came back...i really appreciate his acts..ngstay p din xa s bhay till dawn n..khit pagod n xa all day aun mgksma prin kmi..binantyan nia q while im sleeping..sweet noh..but the truth is nglaro kc xa s pc..harf.. harf.. harf..

xmas

i went to his crib to wake him up.. dhil nga s a 6 am n xa umuwi gling smen
aun deadz s higaan c loko...sarap tlaga pgmasdan an asawa q while sleeping..prang ang amo at ang bait..hahahaha.....he so gorgeous matulog..ewan q oh maxado lng aqng in love..hehehe...
funny of me.. i did a lot of crazy and naughty things to wake him...tinablan nmn xa..but the case is, he's not alone at their cribs..aun...kakahiya..arnel was there, he's younger bro...buti n lng the guy was drunk last nyt
kea d nmn xa naabala..loko tlaga ung asawa q hmpf!..kung ngkataon kahiya sa bro in law..hihihi. this is also a pampiyampiyampskin day[?].. sobra kc c hon ei..hehehe..

hang-0ver

so tired for the past days..ksama n lhat..stress, emotions and physically...
kea e2 mghapon nkahiga lng plus the rain factor pa..me and mom doin' nothing the whole day..katuwa sarap turuan ni mama mging tmad..hehehe....we just sitting together telling stories in the past and quite chizmisan nrin..lol..after lunch, we decided to had a muvee marathon...marathon sna kea lng ung dvd hindi mganda ung copy...and then it end up me wathcin alone..tyinaga q n lng...i was so curious about one more chance kc..and damn its good..no its great tlga..i promised to buy an original copy of it..sayang i want to watched it p nmn with my honey..wla ei he has a work..family man ei..hehehe

whoa tlga!..im so excited today coz im gonna see my honey..tho i had to lie pa..but if its for him nmn ok lng..
khit n i promised to lessen na un..ewan q y i feel like i want to surprised and flatter him..d nmn aq laging ganun s kanya..minsan lng but today is diffrent..kea pla..he has something today that would ruined the rest of the week!...naiinis aq sobra..he said he did nothing wrong..maybe if i do the same ska nia lng mrealize..hon i don't want this scenario happen again..auq nga ng ng aaway tau ei...but what u did is tlagang nka2ubos ng patience to the fact na it was d second time u did with the same person involve and yet earned same results..gusto m b ng laging ganun?!....tho it happened we stayed together..cguro we just don't want to waste the moments khit asar aq s knya...but the kiss...its so diffrent din that nyt...dhil cguro din ngayon lng nmmn npractice ung ganun..lol..but sa totoo lng..ang galing..hehehe....pero sad prin...we end up the day at nghiwalay tau ng msama prin loob q sau..
ur changing..or aq..i'm confused pero seriously u changed a lot..lalo n pagdating sten..either u changed or hindi plng cguro kita ganun kakilala...si-war prin..he said nauubos n patience nya sken..but i know its pananawa...how could be the one you love would loose patience on u..aq nga ei d q pcnsyosa but still we're together..amazing ryt..even me myself amazed that fact..badtrip i was suppsed to post it last nyt..ng black out pa..badtrip tlga and it scares me a lot..mag 1 lng kc q s harap ng pc..and i hate the sounds inside our house..my moomoo..lol..but for real, ntakot tlga q...

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